I used to think people who were mature (read: senior citizens) were just brutally frank.
They’ll tell you when your baby is funny looking, when you smell, and when the road you’re on will lead to disaster – all in the most plain, unsoftened language.
As I got older, I realized something: they weren’t trying to be disrespectful. They had learned an insight most of us only earn through time and scars. That beating around the bush doesn’t help anyone, and life is too short to pretend.
They weren’t trying to be rude, they were clear.
That same lesson showed up for me in the early days building TolHouse.
We often struggled to deliver on the Member promise.
The vision was there. The intention was there. The heart was absolutely there. But execution? It lagged in some areas.
The food wasn’t always good, or on time. Sometimes we ran out of ingredients for a specific drink because our inventory systems weren’t fully built. On some of our biggest nights, we were understaffed.
The conference rooms were beautiful with thoughtful colors and tech, but some of the chairs were uncomfortable, and you could hear a meeting happening in another room. These are the details that don’t show up on Instagram but determine how people feel when they’re in the room.
We were never making excuses for any of this. We told ourselves the brutal truths like grandma would have.
But for many, especially early on, it’s tempting to soften the truth, even to yourself. To explain things away. To frame every miss as “part of the journey” and hope people see your intent instead of your output.
But remember this: you judge yourself by what you know you can do. Others judge you by what you’ve done.
At some point, you have to stop saying, “We’re building” and start saying, “This isn’t good enough yet.” That’s the difference between optimism and maturity.
The older folks knew this. They weren’t attached to how things sounded. They were attached to where things were headed. And the fastest way forward was honesty, spoken plainly.
TolHouse doesn’t get better because we tried to defend ourselves. It gets better because we’ll name reality without flinching, and then get about making it better. We’ve missed some things for sure, and missed out on some opportunities. But the commitment to progress, and the speed with which we fix problems matters most.
Vision will get you started, but truth is what will keep you alive long enough to see it fulfilled.